The Punk Poet Society is a group of pseudo-intellectual poets who are not punk at all. Founded and led by the flagrant and sassy diva, Robert Torres, they have never (not even once) played an event where they did not embarrass themselves by performing poorly and repeatedly shouting words like "cunt" or discussing the image of two veiny, throbbing penises cuddling up together in a puddle of semen. They have also never played a show where they did not anger the owner of the house or venue by biting the hand that feeds them in multiple ways (ruining their plants, insulting their animals, cursing at family-friendly events, informing the owners of the house that he should tell his friends to stop being assholes and listen to Robert do Robert's thing, etc). If you know someone who has hosted this group of beatnik knock-offs more than once, please post those individuals' names so that they can be blacklisted from the Denton party circuit for their obvious lack of judgement. These poets, who count out their rhythms on their fingers so as to alert the unassuming listener of hidden haikus and also introduce their sets while sipping IPA's "because that's what Ginsberg would have drank," are largely accepted as "the biggest group of posers and worst performers anyone has ever seen, ever, period. Even worse than Keanu Reeves in Hardball." (Gandhi, 1938)

If you decide to host this group of raging parasites, be prepared to have every last one of your actual friends shut their annoying mouths, refrain from mocking these poets' existence and not have fun for the entire duration of their performance. Forget that they aren't good enough to hold everyone's attention, it is actually "very disrespectful" to not give these divas your full, unadulterated attention, because you just don't get it. Even if you happen to be a legal genius and a poetry major who is published and has understood the difference between consonance and assonance; or a tetrameter and a pentameter; or iambs, dactyls and anapests since you were in middle school, you just don't get it. Because middle school is precisely where these individuals' emotional quotients reside and they prefer to be combative and angsty as opposed to mature and reasonable. Also, if you host them, be prepared for your house that you own and not them, to cease its existence as "your house" and immediately become "their space." This implies that they now own your house and will run it accordingly. Only, they don't stick around to help you pick up, nor do they pay for the things of yours that they ruin.

Every person that is not an idiot hates these people. Not because of their sexuality, their poor performances, or even their incredibly annoying thirst for attention. No, it is because of their narcissistic and undeserving sense of entitlement. They don't seem to comprehend that it might be possible for someone smarter than themselves to have been graced by their crowning presence.

God once wrote a review of their set. It read, simply, "My bad, everyone."